My god what a month.
A lot has happened. I’ve moved into a new apartment and started a new job, one month after relocating to the UK from Singapore. I have struggled to settle in, I have been feeling a little burnt out and had a heavy heart. So many people have said the same thing, that doing all of this within a short space of time is huge and would take anyone a while to settle in. Each time followed with the order to stop being so hard on myself. It made me realise, I don’t really see some of the things that I do or achieve as being brave just like when I first moved to Singapore and so when I am feeling completely out of sorts, I don’t understand why I am feeling this way. I think I almost have to catch up with myself to comprehend? Bear with me, I probably sound like I’ve lost it but I almost sit here and think oh my life, how did I get here?!
One of the reasons for being a little unsettled was that I was in the new apartment without my things, they were still on a ship in the ocean. Thankfully everything arrived last week just a few days before I started work which was perfect timing. I didn’t have a huge apartment in Singapore but oh my god I really do have hundreds of shoes (hence my nickname Nicci Nice Shoes). The boxes kept coming and I started to panic. I was in shock, I even had a massive clear out before I left! I sold things, I gave and threw things away yet my cupboards are full once again. I cannot wait to be reunited with my favourite heels. Unfortunately I think I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago and couldn’t believe it, as it was starting to heal I managed to do the same thing again on the same ankle, so Nicci Nice Shoes is postponed yet again!
Two weeks of beginning a new job has flown by! It still feels like I started only yesterday. I feel a routine is establishing itself, there’s one important thing I need to fix and then finally rejoin Virgin Active as I miss my spinning classes more than fries – yes that’s huge. Talking of spinning, I have had many plates doing exactly that to ensure both home and work life are balanced. It’s important that each supports the other because when one is out of kilter you really do need the backing of the other to provide you with stability and confidence.
Again the repeated words, ‘Stop being so hard on yourself’ was said a few times just today. I think the move and the desire to have everything sorted emotionally and physically, have things be almost perfect and immediately, has resulted in immense pressure on myself, by myself! What’s that all about? What is the rush? I forgot in the craziness to take time to practice what I worked so hard on myself in Singapore to do. I forgot how to be still, how to enjoy the present, to appreciate what is right in front of me or next to me. I forgot how to be grateful for three things every day. I have been frustrated with myself and wondered how have I allowed this to happen?
I might now be in London but I am still me, I still live by my motto that I only have one life and I want to enjoy it, it is no dress rehearsal. I won’t get another shot at this so it’s important to live it.
October has been a meaningful month for me. It has taught me to take things in my stride, I don’t need to put pressure on myself, I have been reminded to relax and enjoy who and what is around me and finally, to stop worrying about things which either haven’t happened or which may never happen.
What has October taught you?