24 articles!

That’s how many have appeared just last week, in my news feed. Articles on how to overcome people putting you down, belittlement, it’s actually a trending discussion. How terrible. My immediate response is anger. What gives anyone the right, seriously, to think it’s actually ok to do that to someone? It’s unkind and more than anything (which people don’t realise at the time they are being scarred by words), is that it usually is more to do with the other person’s own frustrations and unhappiness than the way they view you.

This is usually because they feel bad about themselves, they want you to feel just as abhorrent. It gives them some strange sense of power so they are in control or feel more powerful to cover up their own insecurities.

Hear me out. If you were joyous, have inner peace, have no anger brewing inside…would you say cruel things to make someone feel terrible? I don’t know one content person who would do this. Poisonous thoughts don’t enter their minds and they certainly wouldn’t want to upset one of their nearest and dearest because of it. Instead, happy people encourage, admire and support those around them. Don’t get me wrong, they may sometimes offer constructive criticism but this is to help not hinder you.

Reading a few of these articles made me realise that this seems to be a more frequent occurrence. In my opinion it’s a sad state of affairs that society is having to reach out for advice on how to deal with people like this. 

I feel strongly about this particular subject because I also have been subjected to put downs and each time I was devastated. I allowed them to really affect my happiness. And guess what, this is exactly what they wanted, to control and smash my cheeriness because they weren’t happy themselves. Unfortunately, not my problem. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves to make the best out of their lives and hidden, suppressed anger is something people should seek help for, to dispel it and be able to enjoy their own lives and be a pleasure to be around.

This unhappy time for me meant that I too, amongst society started reaching out for help, I knew I wasn’t the horrible person I was being made out to be. How could I when I have an abundance of friends, colleagues and people close to me who always elevate me no matter what the situation is. Would they really spend the time reaching out to me all the time to arrange social gatherings or to just call for a chat? This is exactly what each and every one of my friends said to me. Because I was struggling to see my own positives they listed them out for me, the things they admire, the things they see and have seen the whole time they have known me.It’s a great exercise for you to do with loved ones when you are feeling really pants. It took me a while to rediscover who I was, what my morals were and how to rebuild that self respect once again. So for anyone who is in a similar situation to I was, here’s how I dealt with the so-called put downs and I hope this can help you too.

YOUR OPINION MATTERS

I realised I didn’t need someone else’s approval. I was, am and will remain to be, a good person. Don’t be afraid to have your own opinions and stand by them, by your beliefs. 

DON’T RETALIATE

No matter what it is you say there will be another put down, another comeback.  This is because you have given them exactly what they wanted, a response! They know their words have had an effect. Don’t give anyone that power over you. Learn to ignore it.

DON’T TAKE IT TO HEART

Remember, the comments tell you a lot about how much anger and frustration is directed at themselves. They don’t want to feel bad about it so it’s better to push it on to you. Keep focusing on who you are and what you believe. 

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE

Remind yourself what you stand for and what your beliefs are. Don’t let someone else try to destroy your sense of self worth. List the positives about yourself and if you struggle, ask your friends and family to list what they see about you.

KEEP BUSY

Of course the words hurt but try to recognise and acknowledge the feelings associated with them and then let them go. Ignore them and clear your mind, get busy and go for a coffee with a friend. Take your mind off it. I was lucky to live in Singapore at the time so going for a long walk in the sun was my saviour. Remember the words won’t matter in a few hours time anyway.

PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

With practice I learnt to switch off and have inner peace, people can be nasty if they wish but I realised they are only impacting themselves, not me. I have learnt to remove myself mentally and now physically from being in any voluntary situation which is unkind and unnecessary. Don’t stay in any uncomfortable situation, you have a choice. 

HANG OUT WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

You know, the ones who lift you, add value to your life and have a great attitude towards their own lives? Yes those people! Remove the toxic people from your life.

I promise that if you can do just a few of these things, you will slowly distance yourself from this kind of person and remember…

No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

N x

So hey you, yes you..I want to thank you for reading my post. Whether you’ve stuck around since the beginning of my journey or whether you’re new to my blog, thank you for reading and supporting. I genuinely appreciate it.